The Play Class Disaster

Here is the story where I explain that my child is not perfect, nor is his mommy.  Be kind with your comments, mkay?   A few months ago the Burnsville Community Education newsletter advertised a Toddler Play & Art time.  I was happy that it was on Mondays (because that's the only weekday that works for me to take Braxton) and 3 days of class for $15.  It seemed like a good idea. 

The class started last week (and I forgot about it!) so we missed the first day of class. Today Braxton and I went to day two of the class.  It was a disaster.  We were the first ones to classroom and the main teacher immediately told us that we were early.  I said, "oh, I'm sorry - I thought this started at 10am!"  We both look at the clock and it says 10:02.  She said, "oh, I was looking at my watch.  Why don't we head to the gym".  I look down and Braxton is happy and sitting on a toy tractor.  I try to tell Braxton that we're going to the gym - but he wants to keep playing with the tractor.  Tantrum #1.  Braxton is laying on the floor crying & kicking...while the teacher is staring at us.  Wow.  That was not fun.

Eventually we got to the gym.  The other 4 kids arrive...all boys around 18 months old and they all know each other. Braxton starts playing with a toy, one of the other boys trys to take it from him.  Braxton freaks out.  Tantrum #2.  I try to distract Brax and show him the big carton full of balls.  He's happy playing with that until another kid starts playing with one of the balls.  Braxton wants it back immediately.  The other boy won't give it back.  Braxton grabs it from him and runs.  The other boy has a screaming, stomping tantrum.

I try to distract Braxton from the toys and point him to the jungle gym - Braxton climbs up the stairs and slides down the slide.  This works well for a few minutes until a different child with fantastic timing pushes a car in front of the slide at the same time that Braxton is sliding down.  Braxton slams his head into it and starts crying and saying "owie head, owie head".  The other mom tries to get her child to appologize and her son yells "no" and runs away.  Braxton sets his eyes on a big toy car.  He sees a different kid sitting inside of the big toy car, grabs the kid's arm and starts pulling the kid out of the car by his shirt.  Really not cool Braxton! 

All of the other kids had tantrums during gym time too but the other parents just stood back and "let it be" and only stepped in if a kid was getting hurt....I was the only parent who pulled my kid aside and said things like "you need to calm down" and "we need to practice sharing".  My words were not changing his behavior.  Braxton needed a quick flick on the cheek to startle him...or a spanking but I got the vibe that I was in a "no-spanking zone" so I did neither.  I tried to "let it be" as Braxton continued to grab toys from other kids & make them cry. The teacher announces that gym time is over (because it was total chaos?) and says it is time to move into the classroom.  Braxton doesn't want to leave.  He starts crying.  Tantrum #3.  Braxton was by far the worst behaved and most aggressive kid in the gym.  I was really at a loss for how to discipline him while the teacher and the other parents were watching us.

We eventually got to the classroom.  Braxton walked into the room and saw another kid sitting on the tractor (the one he was playing with when we first arived).  Braxton started crying (holey cow, what the heck is wrong with Braxton?  He never acts like this!  Is he hungry?  Need a nap?  Getting sick?  He's acting very, very naughty!)  The classroom aide came over to distract the kids by blowing bubbles.  The parents and kids were divided - which meant that the parents go sit on one side of the room while the kids play with one of the classroom aides.  The teacher asked the parents how we were doing. With my eyes welling with tears I said, "I'm completely embarrassed.  I've never seen my son act so naughty."  One of the other parents said, "they are all like that.  They trade off every time.  One time my kid is very naughty, the next time its someone elses."  The teacher then says, "Is Braxton around other kids often? (which I'm pretty sure is code for "your kid is acting like a maniac, is it because he never gets to play with other kids?")  I mumbled that Braxton is in daycare 2 days a week and does great there.  I could tell my face was bright red and I wanted to flee the scene...but we were stuck in the classroom and only half-way through class.  The teacher said that Braxton was acting appropriately...just like a toddler.  She passed out a sheet of paper titled "Toddler Property Laws" that said:
1.  If I like it...it's mine!
2.  If I can take it from you...it's mine!
3.  If I had it a little while ago...it's mine!
4.  If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way!
It was lame but did describe how all of the toddlers were acting.  All of the boys were grabbing things out of each others hands, having tantrums, and generally just being...toddlers.  I had never seen Braxton act so naughty....but I had also never seen him interact with 4 other toddler boys before.  Luckily classroom time went much, much better.  The parents made an art craft while the kids played.  Braxton was playing calmly and independently during classroom time, thank goodness.  He was very well behaved while the other boys were out of control, crying, throwing tantrums, fighting.  After two of the other boys started fighting the teacher said, "wow these kids are acting very strange today.  It's a little ahead of schedule, but let's move on to snack time".

Snack time went fine.  Each kid got a sippy cup of water and 3 Nilla wafers.  Braxton ate his cookies and was the only kid who didn't ask for a second helping of cookies.  Brax used snack time to show off his vocabulary - pointing at things around the room and saying, "house", "donkey", "bear", "hat", "ELMO!!!".   None of the other kids were talking (or could talk?) and the teacher said, "wow, Braxton has a big vocabulary" (but I think its her goal to say one good thing about each kid...because the words sounded very positive...but as she said it you could tell that her heart wasn't in it). I looked at the clock, only 30 minutes left to endure. 

The kids finished their snack and moved to more play time which continued the all-of-the-boys-fighting-over-the-same-toy saga.  One boy started screaming at the other kids, particularly Braxton.  The teacher said, "wow - their personalities are really clashing today."  Then the teacher anounced "circle time".  I didn't know what that meant so I stood still as all the parents sat in a circle on the floor and held their kid on their lap.  Brax and I sat down last.  The group sang some special welcome song that all the other parents knew...except me (I felt stupid just watching them sing).  ALL of them knew the awords to the welcome song.  Then we sang "Row, Row, Row your boat" and "You are my sunshine".  At this point the teacher anounced, "lets stand up and sing the Goodbye Song.  While we were standing up Braxton said, "ABC song?  ABC song?"  The teacher had pity and led the group in a round of the ABC song (thank you!). Then all the parents started singing "The Goodbye Song"....and they ALL knew the song (I did not know it.  I felt like I was "outside the special club") and even the other kids all knew the song (because there were special motions and the kids were all doing them without the help of their parents). 

Jeesh....this class was stressful.  Next week is the last day of class and we will go to it again (we can't let it intimidate us...plus I'm wondering if Braxton was perhaps just nervous to be in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people and that is why he acted so naughty?....maybe next week he'll feel more comfortable and perhaps act a little more like himself?)

So as I reflect on the events of the Toddler Class it's easy for me to think of things to blame for why it all went so wrong:  Couldn't the teacher have stopped the chaos?  Couldn't I have taken Brax into the hallway to help him calm down? Was Brax acting naughty because he saw the other kids get away with it and realized we were in a "no spanking zone"?  If I believe that spanking (within reason) is a good form of discipline, why did I let the influence of the teacher & other parents pressure me to not discipline?...or maybe every toddler class is like this and I just didn't know because we've never been to one?  But, what I do know is that Brax likes playing with kids his age or older...so if we do another community ed class in the future I'll look for a class with older kids 2-4 years old,  if possible.  

After we got home I talked to my sister Denise on the phone and told her the story about our crazy morning (my child repeatedly having tantrums, feeling mortified at my child's behavior, and feeling "out of the group" with the other parents)  She told me a quote about parenting that she just learned--it made us both laugh.  It goes like this:  "When your child is acting naughty, the other parents secretly like you better...because you are making them look good."

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